Monday, January 20, 2003

No More St. Calder

I've decided today never again try to intervene on behalf of someone because they are stupid. No more St. Calder, Patron Saint of the Moron, for me.

There's a couple of reasons for this enlightened opinion and I'll outline them below. But first, the event that lead to this epiphany.

I went to get coffee from the conveniently located Tim Horton's downstairs. Upon my return, I reach the elevator lobby where a woman has already pressed the 'up' button. As luck would have it, the elevator arrived just as I got there. I entered - the woman did not.

"Excuse me," I said in my most professional and helpful voice - because I am the face of my company when I'm on the street - "Are you going up?"

No response.

"Excuse me," I said, repeating the urgency of the matter, "Going up?"

This time, the lack of response was accompanied by an equal lack of any semblance of a facial expression.

"Going up?" I repeated again to, what I've come to realize, an exceedingly vacuous face. I then shrugged and let the elevator doors close.

What else could I do? Wave my hands and jump up and down? Go over and escort her into the elevator? No. I've concluded that she is merely stupid - unable to grasp the concept of an elevator going up. Now, there are a number of questions rising in your head.

She may be deaf. Nope - she heard me, turned to me and did nothing.

She may be insane. Quite possibly, although I've never known the insane to look so calm when in a vacuous state. Possible, but improbable.

And, the one you've been mulling for about a half-second - she was repulsed/scared off by my appearance. Ha ha. Good one - I have way too much 'Latino heat' for that to even be entertained. No, I'm not Latino but you can't help the way you're born. I suppose, the opposite is a possibility - she wouldn't be able to control herself like in those 'Axe Effect' commercials ... perhaps she is not stupid, but merely filled with foresight and the inability to control her deep down feelings. Nay, I vote her stupid.

Yes, today is a good day. Not if you're stupid though.

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