Friday, July 12, 2002

Escalator Princesses

Escalator Princesses

What, you ask, is an Escalator Princess?

An Escalator Princess is somebody who doesn't know how to use an escalator properly. While it may seem not that hard to use an escalator, the Escalator Princess has figured out how to do it. Since I'm a commuter into Toronto, I feel I have great expertise with this phenomenon.

There are three types of Escalator Princesses:

The Road Block Princess of the Escalator is someone who does not follow the established rules of traversing an escalator. On the TTC, you "walk left, stand right". The Road Block, instead, stands middle. Neither to the left nor to the right. They either have way too much baggage for you to go by on either side, or they are just big. They don't care, they don't have anywhere to go. In future rants, you'll notice that I have great disdain for people who have no where to go. I'm punished because I know where I'm going. Meh.

The Floating Princess of the Escalator is someone who, rather than walking up the escalator, chooses to find a rising air current and "float" up the escalator. They take one step, gingerly pacing themselves ... very ... slowly. Again, these people also have no where to go - that's why they can float. They don't move any faster than a someone pushing out a constipated fart.

The final kind is, in fact, seemingly opposite. They are the Magnetic Butt Princess of the Escalator and they get you everytime. They are the ones in an extreme rush - attempting to get wherever the bat signal is leading them. They don't walk around you, they don't say excuse me. Instead, they rush right up to the step behind you and spend the entire trip up the escalator eye level with your buttocks. How's that make you feel? Kind of wish you had a burrito for lunch ...

Anyway, as more types come to me, I'll add them to the blog. Right now, I'm sleepy.

Later.

Welcome!

Welcome to the Official Calder Online Blog.

I'm going to rant, rave, and generally carry on ridiculous conversations, arguments, and spout my points of view.

Enjoy.